Forgiving Your Spouse

Inspirational Messages - Sermon Preached At House Of Praise Home Church

Kuils River

Title: "Forgiving Your Spouse"

Today I’ll be sharing a Word that God has placed in my heart and it’s an issue that He’s dealing with in my life right now. We can only share our testimony by having a certain experience.

Scripture reading: John 3:30

“He must increase, but I must decrease.”

This scripture can be very challenging. It’s not easy; it’s not nice. As human beings, we want to rule and reign. It is our carnal nature.

Death, whether physically or spiritually, is unpleasant. If we could, we would erase it from our lives, along with all the pain it brings with it.

Physical death

Physical death is unfortunately part of our lives. We cannot run away from that. There is no escape from it. We all have our “expiring date”.

Spiritual death

Spiritual death on the other hand, I believe, happens according to the choices that we make.

According to John chapter 3, we must die to ourselves. Our will and our needs (what we want) need to die daily in order for Christ to rule and reign in our lives. Before we can apply this scripture to our lives, we need to first accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour. We cannot please God if we had not made him our Master; our Saviour.

• I need to become less.
• I need to accept Him as Lord of my life.
• He needs to be in charge of my life.
• He needs to be the centre of my life.

If we live our lives as children of the Lord, that should be to please Him above

• ourselves
• our loved ones
• what I feel I need
• what I feel is good for me.

This death is something that takes place over a period of time. It actually takes place daily. As I said, it’s not easy. It is one of the hardest things to do – to die to oneself. When someone on earth dies, this is where their earthly life comes to an end and after that they go to live with Christ; depending on the decisions they made and the life they lived on earth.

A Choice

This spiritual death that we need is a choice that we must make. Sometimes there’s pride or selfishness appearing from nowhere and it needs to die. Sometimes these things want to make a re-appearance in your life.

Because I have chosen Christ as Lord of my life, for me it starts within my mind. Do you know the book “The Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer? The mind is truly the battlefield!

If I read the Word of God, I ponder upon the Word, a certain truth forms in my mind and when I apply this truth, my life will start to change. I do not think the way I used to think anymore. My mind is being renewed by the Word of God. I know then

• exactly what God expects of me
• what pleases Him
• what grieves the Holy Spirit and
• what makes Him angry.

The above list makes the “dying process” slightly easier. We so often hear that we cannot read the Word and not apply it. What is the use then of studying God’s Word?

We won’t see results in our lives if the scriptures that we read, are merely words to us. Once you apply what you have learned, you’ll start to see some changes. You’ll start to see a glimpse of the unveiling glory of Christ. If only we can see a very tiny bit of Him, it will change our lives!

To Forgive

Take for instance God’s command that we should forgive one another. If we apply the forgiveness in our lives, then we can see that it brings a difference in our lives. It might not look to you that there’s any difference coming, but to know that you are pleasing God - that is more important than anything else. Even if it doesn’t make sense to your spouse of whoever… You know that your walk with God is important and if you love Him so much, you’d want to please Him in everything you do.

Let’s look at this man in the Bible. He did not fear the Lord and he did not live a life of one that’s dying to himself. We find him in the book of Esther.

Haman

This was a man who lived his life to please himself. He will was more important than anything. His status, his ambition and prestige was more important to him. Haman was appointed second in command in the Persian Empire. He was an extremely arrogant leader. He recognized the king as his superior, but could not accept anyone as an equal.

When Mordecai refused to bow in submission to him, Haman wanted to destroy him. Esther and Mordecai, as we know, were Jews. Because Haman saw them as a threat to his power, he decided to kill all the Jews. That was his plan. We know that he did not succeed in killing the Jews. In the end Haman was killed on order of the king.

Haman’s character

• This man’s character I’d say was very selfish and he was always after what he wanted.
• I’d say Haman was a very evil man. He was controlled by his evil desires. (Remember evil thoughts start in your mind.)
• Haman thought of himself as very important. He probably was very important, being second in command, but I think it went to his head a bit.
• He had the desire to control others.
• He wanted to receive honor.
• He was proud.

Don’t frown upon me, but I believe in all of us is a little pride. Pride is something that “hides”. You won’t be walking around, telling others you are better than them… you don’t want people to know that you are proud. It is in your heart and it is hiding, but God sees that pride. God is not happy with pride. Where there is pride, God cannot work within us. The pride blocks the powerful works that Christ can do within you.

Maybe not even your husband will know if there’s pride in your life, because you will try to hide it. What will others think of me if they know about this pride?

When we are proud, we have a tendency to think that we are better than others. We tend to criticize others, become rebellious and we even become judgmental.

Sermon - Forgiving Your Spouse

In the world we will perceive someone with the character of Haman as “normal”. Someone of the world (not of Christ) is :

• selfish
• arrogant
• out to please themselves
• out to want what they want.

This is normal behavior for people who are not born again Christians. These people are living without the Light and know of no better. This is their attitude; how they think; how they handle things.

Sad to say, this behavior has even found its way in our churches today. People will do anything and trample over anyone to “be on the church leadership”.

Haman was living a dangerous lifestyle and it was not pleasing to God. If we follow and make decisions based on our will, we too are walking a dangerous road. Where does Christ fit in, we should ask? If I make every decision in my life based on what I want and how I think, where exactly does Jesus fit into the picture?

Does John 3:30 then apply to you?
“…He must become greater; I must become less…”

At the end of the day, Haman’s choices cost him his physical life. Each time we choose our will above God’s will, we die spiritually. Then God’s Word has no impact on our lives.

A Question

Can you ask yourself this question now: How much of Haman is in you? It doesn’t mean because we sit in church every Sunday and attend every Wednesday meeting, that we are dying to ourselves or that we are “becoming less”.

It is in our churches, as I mentioned. The devil has no respect for our churches today. He plants his seeds of pride in our hearts. It grows and grows and grows and the next thing you know… there’s chaos.

My Testimony

I find it difficult to apologize to my spouse when we argued, even though I’m wrong. It’s my pride. I thank God for this Word that He has given me, because He’s working in me. Now I can say, “Lord, when I get to the point where I must apologize to my husband, I’m dying to myself.” My will is dying. Slowly I am dying. If I decide however to go against God’s will, and know in the Bible it says, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger…”, but yet I still do it, then I’m walking a dangerous road. My pride is then becoming bigger. My ego is becoming bigger. Forgiving your spouse is becoming more and more difficult.

The minute I have to apologize and I have to say sorry to my husband… it is so hard, I’d rather do something else then… it’s against my nature. I’d rather get stabbed with a knife or something.

Then I realize – “Lord, what am I doing?” I’m not pleasing God by this attitude. I’m actually sinning, because the Bible is telling me one thing and I choose to do the opposite. So I’m sinning against God’s Word. The worst of all is that I’m disappointing my God. In forgiving your spouse, you will be acting according to God's standards.

I always say that my home is my “practice field”. If I can apply a truth to my husband or my children, then it will be easier for me to apply it outside to a stranger. So I need to apply things like forgiving in my life; in my home. It is not easy at the beginning – it feels weird and funny.

Sermon - Forgiving Your Spouse

Joyce Meyer says, “Do the right thing, even though if feels wrong to you.” Do the right thing, the feelings will follow later. To me – the more I do it, it will become my lifestyle. Christ’s character will be formed in me. As children of God, that is what we want; to become like Him. It’s our desire; our aim. By forgiving your spouse, you will become more like Jesus.

• Jesus is not unforgiving, so why am I unforgiving?
• Jesus is not selfish, so why am I selfish?
• Jesus is not proud, so why am I proud?

I can truly say there’s a death taking place in my life. I cannot minister this Word to people without it having an effect in my life.

By now living in God’s will, God can receive the glory!

If I do not live the way I should, I feel miserable, because I know I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do. I feel unhappy and I make the people around me unhappy too. Why not then just do the right thing? Tell your attitude of “not wanting to apologize” to die. It needs to die! Don’t hold on to it, because it only brings about Spiritual death.

A Daily Choice

We need to die on a daily basis. Daily we are tempted to the things our carnal man wants to do. If you have been wronged by another person, do you hold it against him/her or do you forgive that person? Forgive and die! People must notice the difference without you telling them. If you are truly forgiving your spouse, he/she will surely notice the difference.

Last thought

When Jesus was crucified, He did not curse those around Him, but He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

Amen

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